You may have heard of Inferno or Javed Nama, of Virgil and Rumi, of epic journeys of Dante and Iqbal. I also have a guide of sorts. She is always positive and supportive but our recent conversation was “interesting”. It started with me pretending to be someone else (hey its the internet, anything is possible) and her finding out. It started out with the mandatory, “Shame on you Aliana on pretending to be someone that you are not.” “I thought you would understand,” was what I could muster and then I continued “It was a literary experiment. Its not that I was trying to deceive them or something.” And then she gave me that look so I had to say, “Ok, ok. You are right. It is some sort of deception but that is not my primary aim.” Then she hit me again, “Excuses excuses, excuses.” This went on for 20 minutes until I got her point. So now I am in a conundrum, if I tell my new friends about myself then they won’t understand so I ask myself, “No, seriously Aliana what the hell are you trying to do here. No, seriously!” That’s the problem with literary experiments, they can become too real sometimes. What is little Miss Aliana supposed to do? “Shut up Aliana you Fake! You self-immolating genius!” That’s what she said. Look at the bright side, at least she think I am a genius.
Life can be ironic but irony can also be life. This is Aliana’s predicament and not just her predicament but the predicament of her friends. Lets start with A. A is for Aliana. I have not been praying lately, I know that I should and I desperately need to but can’t seem to bring myself to do so. G got played and guess what it was a desi guy, a Pakistani to be exact thus proving me right – again. At least she knows what she is looking for, as for me I gave up long time ago. L has stopped writing to me but I am going to be equally stubborn and not write her back. Well what can I do? This is the way I am. J thinks that’s she can out stubborn me, guess what sister, I am the best when it comes to stubbornness. I hope there was more certainty in life. But life doesn’t work like that does it? I don’t like finding out my dependencies and when I do I have to make sure that I have to make sure that I am no longer dependent upon them. In the process I always get hurt, sometimes even severely. And with Z, well I wish for once Zeb could try to be herself.
Here is the update, my roomie finally talked to that guy and of course he kind of freaked out, speechless, did not talk for long, kind of hung up but not really, must have been shocked or something. But all is not lost, he called later, again did not talking for long but said that they can still meet. His expressions were a mix of disappointment, amusement and interest.
So you meet this guy (online), who sounds amazing, an educated person in every sense of the word, has similar tastes, has a good sense of humor etc. You find this out in the course of year. You are really curious to know if he is for real and when you happen to be in another city you attend one of the conferences where he is presenting. So now you know that this guy is for real and cute. More time passes, he happens to be coming to your city and wants to meet you. There is only problem – he thinks that you are a guy because you were just looking for someone with similar interests to chat with but now you feel something stronger, plus he is cute. Now the day is coming closer, you can’t give him your cell number since you can’t talk on the phone (unless you have a voice synthesizer) since that will give away your gender. You are so confused. What to do? Did I ever say that he is cute?
So that’s the story of my dear and sweet roomie. I wish I could give her some advice but I am stumpted so I thought I could use the wisdom of the blosphere.
Addition: After reading somethingtobe’s commets I thought that I should clarify he is not gay and has not showed interest in the other person (my roomie). By the way, we know that he is single and looking.